to quote paige directly..."bad news guys, i couldn't poop"...i think that just about sums up tuesday night...see paige has decided to teach in spain for the next 9 months and duty or obligation or friendship required jason, sherrill and myself to have one last hoorah with her before she left...jason and i computated our state of mind along with the girls and decided an 8pm pregame time, 9pm bar time would be appropriate for a big night out...we arrive in the springs only to find paige and sherrill are still out "shopping"...wtf...we let ourselves in being told there is beer in the fridge...nope, none...but we did find advil in the there? who does that? i had a headache so i took some and proceeded to remove all the bottles of liquor inside, about 10 in all, weird shit like blackberrry and orange creme along with the typical tomatoe juice, lemonade, crown, melon, bloody, etc...in the freezer i found a cake? and triple sec...time to fire up webtender.com, i instruct jason to grab whoevers laptop is next to the couch, no login password, sweet...enter all the ingredients...these nights have turned bad in the past and really i just wanna a beer but u gotta do what u gotta do...with our weird concoctions we run out of legit mixes quickly and the bottle of crown, our only real liquor is gone...all the recipies are calling for vodka...jason calls paige to find out why there is none in the house while i check rooms, nothing...doh...now its just time to fake it...30 minutes later paige and sherrill show up, the floor is stickier than a used condom, and apparently the roommate cleaned the entire kitchen for our arrival...odd, doesnt she know who we are and what we do?
a few 5 more rounds of various things including paige thinking she knows how to mix and its hungry time, no one ate anything yet, we find spagetti and kfc arrives via the roomies...after munching down and waiting another hour for the girls to get ready, we head out...this is colorado springs, suburbanite hell for those not aware, so the first, second, third bars are all located inside stripmalls...i dont know what it is but i dont like stripmalls nor drinking inside of them...the night from here was mild for the most part...except for a few good one-liners like "i got so drunk saturday when i woke up i couldnt find my panties"...it also appears that tuesday is kareoke night in this town so at the final bar we finally sang brown eyed girl with jason refusing to sing...i think it was the first time id actually done kareoke oddly enough but it wasnt as entertaining as it might have been being the majority were primarily sober...
closing time came quicker than expected, stupid girls for taking so long to get ready, and we headed home without stopping anywhere for food...dumb idea...left me calling pizza shops at 3am, none answering in this town, another negative mark...passed out and woke up the next morning feeling a-okay...not so much for paige, goal accomplished...another 3 hour wait and eventually we go for lunch at ruby tuesdays where the typical insued...all the families either moved, hurried up and finished, or gave mean looks throughout the 2 hour odeal of ordering, drinking bloodies, and shitting, yes pooping...by the end of the meal paige was very distraught over her inabilities...jason 1, brendon 2, paige 0.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
i give up
this blog is months in discovery and im not so sure im going to be able to fully explain my points as many coversations surrounding the issue were made sober and drunk...im also sure there will be a sequel.
ive not always been a very open-minded person...ill admit to this...few are able to even begin to realize their own beliefs, ideals, morals, ethics, prejudices, likes, dislikes, loves, hates until after those years of adolesence...short end, ive consciously attempted and often succeeded in being more accepting of different people and their (see list above)...perhaps tolerant is another word to use...
why? i wasnt going to write this section but i think its important to understand why im trying...many might think its because our society accepts more things, or our friends and family encourage us in certain directions, or its the in-thing to do, or its this or that...in reality for me my strength in accepting people as who they are comes from the Bible...Jesus taught numerous times about loving thy neighbor as thy self...in elementary school we used to as each other if they "loved" someone...so as not to confuse this "love" with having a crush on someone or admitting we really "hate" the mentioned being...we'd say, well i love him or her "in God's way"...as if that meant its just a requirement of human being to tolerate someone...this however isnt the type of love Christ asked us to show each other...He truely wanted us to love ourselves and our neighbors as He loved us...this, this simplist request, commandment, whatever u call it is my sole reasoning for many failed and successful attempts at accepting people...and if u are reading this and interpreting the word "love" in the wrong sense, im writing about u below.
of all the groups ive become more understanding of lately, until i expanded my mental efforts to a new group...this one main group of people ive struggled to give the time of day to, or not to scoff at, or curse against, or get angry with, or u get the point...this group is quite general and perhaps that is why, i give up...i simply and u simply call them "Stupid People"...while we are all stupid at some point in our lives or doing something stupid in the moment, these people exceed skillfully at the art of making others say, "i fucking hate stupid people"...followed by a barrage of insults and insights on what just occured...why is this so hard? keep in mind medically diagnosed mentally challenged people do not fall into this subcatagory of people...so who does this include? well here are a few just off the top:
im not sure what to write next other than to say again im miserably failing...so when anyone fails at a task they've set out to conquer they consult close friends...jason was the first one i brought this up to obviously...im not sure now when or why but it came up...and for the next week jason was cursing me for making him think about it everytime he saw, heard, experienced the acts of stupid people...two weeks later it wasnt any better...im not sure if when and if he gave up but im borderline...i shared these same thoughts with sherrill the other day after beers and vodkas and she likely too i believe was perplexed on the situation...
so whats next? how do i succeed? is it even possible to love these people, tolerate these people, accept these people...and perhaps its not "these people", its everyone, maybe its just PEOPLE.
ive not always been a very open-minded person...ill admit to this...few are able to even begin to realize their own beliefs, ideals, morals, ethics, prejudices, likes, dislikes, loves, hates until after those years of adolesence...short end, ive consciously attempted and often succeeded in being more accepting of different people and their (see list above)...perhaps tolerant is another word to use...
why? i wasnt going to write this section but i think its important to understand why im trying...many might think its because our society accepts more things, or our friends and family encourage us in certain directions, or its the in-thing to do, or its this or that...in reality for me my strength in accepting people as who they are comes from the Bible...Jesus taught numerous times about loving thy neighbor as thy self...in elementary school we used to as each other if they "loved" someone...so as not to confuse this "love" with having a crush on someone or admitting we really "hate" the mentioned being...we'd say, well i love him or her "in God's way"...as if that meant its just a requirement of human being to tolerate someone...this however isnt the type of love Christ asked us to show each other...He truely wanted us to love ourselves and our neighbors as He loved us...this, this simplist request, commandment, whatever u call it is my sole reasoning for many failed and successful attempts at accepting people...and if u are reading this and interpreting the word "love" in the wrong sense, im writing about u below.
of all the groups ive become more understanding of lately, until i expanded my mental efforts to a new group...this one main group of people ive struggled to give the time of day to, or not to scoff at, or curse against, or get angry with, or u get the point...this group is quite general and perhaps that is why, i give up...i simply and u simply call them "Stupid People"...while we are all stupid at some point in our lives or doing something stupid in the moment, these people exceed skillfully at the art of making others say, "i fucking hate stupid people"...followed by a barrage of insults and insights on what just occured...why is this so hard? keep in mind medically diagnosed mentally challenged people do not fall into this subcatagory of people...so who does this include? well here are a few just off the top:
- frat boys with popped collars...the dress isnt even the big deal, its the attitude and actions...add sorority chicks too
- college kids in general...i was one and enjoyed it, but id be lying if i didnt say i was annoyed anymore by the majority
- religous zealots...these are your uptight, im better than u, what i call Super-Christians or put super in front of any world religion...and i could write a whole blog on this, later...
- soccer moms who drive big minivans or suvs...its mainly the mentality of suburbanites that is faulted here
- annoying assholes at the bar...saw this again first hand tonight, i think no further explaination is needed
- army soldiers...one of my two major reasons for not wanting to reenlist...enough said
- rednecks...due to lack of never leaving the farm and failure to be culturally aware...insert truck drivers here too
- potheads...not all but most...green is good but in respect
- techsupport...im literally tens times more smarter...yes that incorrect grammer
im not sure what to write next other than to say again im miserably failing...so when anyone fails at a task they've set out to conquer they consult close friends...jason was the first one i brought this up to obviously...im not sure now when or why but it came up...and for the next week jason was cursing me for making him think about it everytime he saw, heard, experienced the acts of stupid people...two weeks later it wasnt any better...im not sure if when and if he gave up but im borderline...i shared these same thoughts with sherrill the other day after beers and vodkas and she likely too i believe was perplexed on the situation...
so whats next? how do i succeed? is it even possible to love these people, tolerate these people, accept these people...and perhaps its not "these people", its everyone, maybe its just PEOPLE.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
the zoom bar
this is the final post wrapping up a short series on costa rica and nicaragua...im slow...i know, it happens, but i saved the best for last...enjoy.
its our second night in granada and we're supposed to leave the next day...typically on the night before a travel day we get to bed early, eat a good dinner, few beers nothing more...not so much...i was craving german so id read about a little place a few blocks away...after an hour or so searching it was not to be found...ends up we later found out itd closed down...jason decides he has a craving for a good ole american hamburger...how odd, never eat american food while traveling abroad but whatever...we start walking around again and end up just down the street from the hostel at zoom bar, walk inside and u know its american owned...burger and fries on the menu it works, we sit down...food is great, the best fries, im serious, fries arent hard to do but to do them special is, yet still simple it turns out...the wife owner soon stops by the table and we exchange introductions and a conversation ensues as normal...what is the fry recipe? sweet, ill try it...she's a lovely woman who loves to talk as much as i...our meals are soon enough finished and we continue ordering beers...2 hours later we're still here...portland/megan decides to crash and jason and i decide to keep drinking Tona...we close out the tab, 17 beers, 1 cuba libre (rum and coke), 1 mohito (portland's)...
...insert drunken talk on religion...
the bar is closing but in walks the husband owner, wife's left but promised to return a few hours ago...no sign of her yet...we hit it off, he tells us all about owning a restaurant in nic, good and bad employees, marrying versus hooking nica's, culture, politics, bullshit, guaro, rum, beer, etc, etc, tourists, people, beaches, keep going u get the idea...4 hours later the bars been closed with the bartender playing security guard outside...the wife returned somewhere in there...we served ourselves out of the fridge behind the bar beer after beer after beer after beer...its that time, 4am although my watch says only 3am and im swearing by it...we figure a shot and home to bed, tomorrow is going to blow...ends up that guaro stuff isnt tequilla after all, it comes out of a gas can from under the bar (see hooker story)...im scared and drunk, i make jason try it first thinking owner is messing with me...nope, its the same thing and smooth as crazy...time to tab out, but wait, i lost count...500 cordobas sounds fair ($30) although we're told its way to much, way to much...whatever, are u kidding me?! we just got family priviledges and these people love us, literally, as we walk out, insistantly escorted by bartender now security guard to our hostel 2 blocks down, we hear husband say it..."those two guys are great, those two guys are really great."
its our second night in granada and we're supposed to leave the next day...typically on the night before a travel day we get to bed early, eat a good dinner, few beers nothing more...not so much...i was craving german so id read about a little place a few blocks away...after an hour or so searching it was not to be found...ends up we later found out itd closed down...jason decides he has a craving for a good ole american hamburger...how odd, never eat american food while traveling abroad but whatever...we start walking around again and end up just down the street from the hostel at zoom bar, walk inside and u know its american owned...burger and fries on the menu it works, we sit down...food is great, the best fries, im serious, fries arent hard to do but to do them special is, yet still simple it turns out...the wife owner soon stops by the table and we exchange introductions and a conversation ensues as normal...what is the fry recipe? sweet, ill try it...she's a lovely woman who loves to talk as much as i...our meals are soon enough finished and we continue ordering beers...2 hours later we're still here...portland/megan decides to crash and jason and i decide to keep drinking Tona...we close out the tab, 17 beers, 1 cuba libre (rum and coke), 1 mohito (portland's)...
the bar is closing but in walks the husband owner, wife's left but promised to return a few hours ago...no sign of her yet...we hit it off, he tells us all about owning a restaurant in nic, good and bad employees, marrying versus hooking nica's, culture, politics, bullshit, guaro, rum, beer, etc, etc, tourists, people, beaches, keep going u get the idea...4 hours later the bars been closed with the bartender playing security guard outside...the wife returned somewhere in there...we served ourselves out of the fridge behind the bar beer after beer after beer after beer...its that time, 4am although my watch says only 3am and im swearing by it...we figure a shot and home to bed, tomorrow is going to blow...ends up that guaro stuff isnt tequilla after all, it comes out of a gas can from under the bar (see hooker story)...im scared and drunk, i make jason try it first thinking owner is messing with me...nope, its the same thing and smooth as crazy...time to tab out, but wait, i lost count...500 cordobas sounds fair ($30) although we're told its way to much, way to much...whatever, are u kidding me?! we just got family priviledges and these people love us, literally, as we walk out, insistantly escorted by bartender now security guard to our hostel 2 blocks down, we hear husband say it..."those two guys are great, those two guys are really great."
its work related
so i have a job...sweet...it only took a week, not bad brendon...im now a "Floor Supervisor" or manager or whatever you wanna call it at the Backcountry Brewery and Pizzeria in Frisco...don't ask me how since i have no front of the house experience except for barbacking at the Sundance...im just that damn good, at interviews/resumes/etc...
who knows but i went to work for the first time in a long time yesterday...i spent half the day shadowing one of the waiters and took a few tables myself by the end of the afternoon...i then worked a little behind the bar pouring beer mostly, some wine, you know the deal...being a brewery its mostly beer served for those slow...but the most interesting part of my first day was after clocking out...im sitting at the bar, id had my free beer and another plus a half-side of nachos which i ate half off (they big)...anyways, one of the waitresses comes running up asking if we saw this or that person leave...nope...as it turns out her table bailed, ouch...its her cost if she doesn't find them which sends her running down the street to find one of the girls waiting at the bus stop...yeah, go figure, what a great escape plan...being its frisco a cop or three are nearby and end up rounding up two of the boys...i say boys because thats the level of maturity if u run up a 61 dollar tab and leave (not to include also from boulder)...im on my way out as the cops come in so i turn around...short end they pay the bill of 72 (automatic tip now), plus 7 they'd left on the table originally, and leave the change of 8 for a total of $87...expensive bill now id say...so yea, first night of managing, entertaining.
on other jobs i sent out my application tonight for a part-time teaching job that helps high school dropouts earn a diploma...its a few days, few hours a week and i think id be fun...
so thats it, im employed. now its time to play again.
who knows but i went to work for the first time in a long time yesterday...i spent half the day shadowing one of the waiters and took a few tables myself by the end of the afternoon...i then worked a little behind the bar pouring beer mostly, some wine, you know the deal...being a brewery its mostly beer served for those slow...but the most interesting part of my first day was after clocking out...im sitting at the bar, id had my free beer and another plus a half-side of nachos which i ate half off (they big)...anyways, one of the waitresses comes running up asking if we saw this or that person leave...nope...as it turns out her table bailed, ouch...its her cost if she doesn't find them which sends her running down the street to find one of the girls waiting at the bus stop...yeah, go figure, what a great escape plan...being its frisco a cop or three are nearby and end up rounding up two of the boys...i say boys because thats the level of maturity if u run up a 61 dollar tab and leave (not to include also from boulder)...im on my way out as the cops come in so i turn around...short end they pay the bill of 72 (automatic tip now), plus 7 they'd left on the table originally, and leave the change of 8 for a total of $87...expensive bill now id say...so yea, first night of managing, entertaining.
on other jobs i sent out my application tonight for a part-time teaching job that helps high school dropouts earn a diploma...its a few days, few hours a week and i think id be fun...
so thats it, im employed. now its time to play again.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
whats up doc?
i went to the doctor the other day...i hate going to the doctor...its impersonal, u never hear back, u never get a cure, its always the same old bullshit everytime...do this, do that...but doc, i already did that and it didnt work...try again...game over.
so the surprise came the other night when my doc called me on the phone, seriously, at like 8pm...this is new...its something bad then right? well it wasnt...my blood work came back and he just wanted to explain it to me...being non-medical i know very little about blood count levels, white, red, green, purple, whatever...after all is said and done i need to have a few tests run again and see if there really is a problem with my......but ill let u guess all u want...a normal doctor might say make another appointment which means pay another co-pay...nope, just make a nurse appointment to draw the blood and ill call u again...im at a loss.
granted, the doc is a member of my parents church, but im not convinced this odd service is all apart of that...perhaps its a small town, perhaps its a good doctor who actually gives shit about his patients...
so the surprise came the other night when my doc called me on the phone, seriously, at like 8pm...this is new...its something bad then right? well it wasnt...my blood work came back and he just wanted to explain it to me...being non-medical i know very little about blood count levels, white, red, green, purple, whatever...after all is said and done i need to have a few tests run again and see if there really is a problem with my...
granted, the doc is a member of my parents church, but im not convinced this odd service is all apart of that...perhaps its a small town, perhaps its a good doctor who actually gives shit about his patients...
Sunday, September 17, 2006
quick and clean
except this movie is none but the opposite...lucky number slevin that is...one of the better ones ive seen lately starring bruce willis and josh hartnett...on the note of movies i signed up for netflix again so if there are any recommendations for good movies, by good i mean not a blatent remake copy etc of something else which appears to be all over the place these days...something unique, entertaining and it can of any genre except horror as im not a fan nor easily amused...let me know.
room and board
last season i missed, this season i wont...snowboarding that is...sure i took ski trips in europe and had a blast but being able to ride everyday if i want to is going to be amazing...ill have nick pushing my ass over cliffs and jason giving me a chance to cruise only as fast as the last beer allows and jeff strongly encouraging me to jump into air unknown...this first snow has me psyched putting the opening day only 6 weeks away...im slowly settling into my new place...its very small, i mean tiny but its just for me and whenever random people wanna stop by to ski or ride...of course its first come first serve but if you're reading this u are more than welcome to visit anytime just know u might get the top bunk, the 2-seater couch, the floor, the closet, or the bathtub...bring some spanish as my neighbors are all hispanic, at least, those are the only ones i hear playing mariachi music at 7am...
one week ago
the temperature was at least twice what it is now...today was the first day of snow in town and last weekend i was bearing the heat of phoenix...18 months ago i was on a cruise and met some amazingly fun and funny people...in fact it might have been these individuals who encouraged me to use myspace more and more...so after promising to visit the desert land for so many months we finally did it and flew down last weekend, stayed in a sweet hotel in old town scottsdale and did what we do best...party.
lets see, how did it start...thursday night was supposed to be off but jasons long lost cousin 15 years in absence was in town visiting so we felt obligated to show him a good time...and thats what we did...the most humoress part of the night was after happy hour at a middle eastern restaurant...we were seated next to a table of denver cops, about 8 of them in all...needless to say food took forever but once it came it was excellent...another man sat across the room and decided not to pay for his meal...drunk already i was trying to play nice with the police being in proximity but apparently this guy thought he'd get away with causing trouble...not so much and eventually ended up in handcuffs and walked out the door...meanwhile im trying not to laugh my ass off but the two female officers still sitting at the table told me it was okay...i think one of them was hot too...sweet, (fill in rest of night), next...
morning i woke up too early, 7-8am, not cool...hungover all day is the story with a flight at 6pm...arriving in phoenix we headed for food, hotel, and bar...we met up with the entire gang and ended the night at del taco, 3am hotel to bed after raiding the mini-bar for more beer.
the next morning came rather easy to my surprise and we found lunch in old town scotts at a local cowboy joint with burgers and bloody's...we met up with sara at the hotel and proceeded to drink dos xx for the next 4 hours until she had to leave for prior engagements with the boytoy...apparently she had been scolded old school daddy style by boyfriend upon arriving home at 4am...in her defense, the tacos were good and so were the long islands...crazy, confirmation #1 im glad im unattached...soon after nicole friend showed and we continued on the dos equis path of distruction...then it was hotel for a little recovery before the night which included my round trip walk to the store for yet another case of dos...dinner came to mind next and i was craving sushi...saki bombs accompanied and i nearly passed out on the table...rebound #2 eventually came and i couldn't tell u where or how many places we ended up at...the shot girl brought too many shots and eventually stopped asking...some bitch poured a drink all over jason on purpose after he bumped into the table as expected of a drunk...nicoles ex-boyfriend professed his love under the influence and remembers none of it, confirmation #2 im glad im unattached...
sunday was recovery by the pool, nap included...dinner and drinks with a former teacher who told me to go into bartending instead of teaching...and a good nights sleep...flight back to denver next morning wasnt bad, wasnt good...thanks to our arizona friends the trip was fun and entertaining as expected, your turn...
lets see, how did it start...thursday night was supposed to be off but jasons long lost cousin 15 years in absence was in town visiting so we felt obligated to show him a good time...and thats what we did...the most humoress part of the night was after happy hour at a middle eastern restaurant...we were seated next to a table of denver cops, about 8 of them in all...needless to say food took forever but once it came it was excellent...another man sat across the room and decided not to pay for his meal...drunk already i was trying to play nice with the police being in proximity but apparently this guy thought he'd get away with causing trouble...not so much and eventually ended up in handcuffs and walked out the door...meanwhile im trying not to laugh my ass off but the two female officers still sitting at the table told me it was okay...i think one of them was hot too...sweet, (fill in rest of night), next...
morning i woke up too early, 7-8am, not cool...hungover all day is the story with a flight at 6pm...arriving in phoenix we headed for food, hotel, and bar...we met up with the entire gang and ended the night at del taco, 3am hotel to bed after raiding the mini-bar for more beer.
the next morning came rather easy to my surprise and we found lunch in old town scotts at a local cowboy joint with burgers and bloody's...we met up with sara at the hotel and proceeded to drink dos xx for the next 4 hours until she had to leave for prior engagements with the boytoy...apparently she had been scolded old school daddy style by boyfriend upon arriving home at 4am...in her defense, the tacos were good and so were the long islands...crazy, confirmation #1 im glad im unattached...soon after nicole friend showed and we continued on the dos equis path of distruction...then it was hotel for a little recovery before the night which included my round trip walk to the store for yet another case of dos...dinner came to mind next and i was craving sushi...saki bombs accompanied and i nearly passed out on the table...rebound #2 eventually came and i couldn't tell u where or how many places we ended up at...the shot girl brought too many shots and eventually stopped asking...some bitch poured a drink all over jason on purpose after he bumped into the table as expected of a drunk...nicoles ex-boyfriend professed his love under the influence and remembers none of it, confirmation #2 im glad im unattached...
sunday was recovery by the pool, nap included...dinner and drinks with a former teacher who told me to go into bartending instead of teaching...and a good nights sleep...flight back to denver next morning wasnt bad, wasnt good...thanks to our arizona friends the trip was fun and entertaining as expected, your turn...
Saturday, September 16, 2006
really, its not my fault (or yours)
its an age old topic, rationality vs. emotionality (word?)...typically dont comment on jasons blogs and so i didnt but im bored and wanted to take a look again at science's, religion's, and society's definitions of love...i found all the same things ive read or been taught before, from plato to christ and back again but i dont feel like going into that as much as just posting a few interesting articles in relation to science, which i can be a fan of or not depending upon my mood...
love literally is (or might be) blind..."research has shown that falling in love really does make us blind to our partner's faults...when people look at their lovers, the neural circuits that are normally associated with critical social assessment of other people are suppressed"...alcohol has the same affect too, ill stick with that instead of love for now...(read more)
i call bullshit..."People in relationships are generally happier than other people...study of measures of well-being and happiness found that people who cohabit are next on the scale of happiness, followed by those in steady relationships and then those in casual relationships. Unpartnered people report the lowest levels of well-being"...because im one of the happiest people i know...(read more)
its all fun and games until..."raised levels of a protein was linked to feelings of euphoria and dependence experienced at the start of a relationship"...wait for it..."But after studying people in long and short relationships and single people, they found the levels receded in time."...good to know, being all mushy forever would get old afterawhile and apparently it does...(read more)
one word: irony..."researchers say they've used advanced scanning methods to pinpoint the region of the brain where feelings of trust arise...Turns out those emotions are nestled in the same area as the most powerful springtime feeling of all -- love"...go figure...(read more)
the list goes on with numerous studies, many that support ideas we already knew about...in summary, love might be fucked up as jason put it, but hey, its not always our fault, my body made me do it...
love literally is (or might be) blind..."research has shown that falling in love really does make us blind to our partner's faults...when people look at their lovers, the neural circuits that are normally associated with critical social assessment of other people are suppressed"...alcohol has the same affect too, ill stick with that instead of love for now...(read more)
i call bullshit..."People in relationships are generally happier than other people...study of measures of well-being and happiness found that people who cohabit are next on the scale of happiness, followed by those in steady relationships and then those in casual relationships. Unpartnered people report the lowest levels of well-being"...because im one of the happiest people i know...(read more)
its all fun and games until..."raised levels of a protein was linked to feelings of euphoria and dependence experienced at the start of a relationship"...wait for it..."But after studying people in long and short relationships and single people, they found the levels receded in time."...good to know, being all mushy forever would get old afterawhile and apparently it does...(read more)
one word: irony..."researchers say they've used advanced scanning methods to pinpoint the region of the brain where feelings of trust arise...Turns out those emotions are nestled in the same area as the most powerful springtime feeling of all -- love"...go figure...(read more)
the list goes on with numerous studies, many that support ideas we already knew about...in summary, love might be fucked up as jason put it, but hey, its not always our fault, my body made me do it...
Friday, September 15, 2006
bad advice
im not exactly sure why im chosing to write this right at this instant but i guess its been on my mind today as i listen to music...and not just the music but the lyrics too...a friend of mine wrote a blog this morning with a title that reminded me of a song id been listening too yet my scattered thing of a brain couldn't pinpoint it so thank google...so i started reading and listening more intently to the lyrics of songs today on more than one occasion (except for those german songs im still lost)...looking perhaps for the perfect song to share in response...and while i never find the perfect one i found a few that are close, it always happens that way, its never 100% but perhaps just the chorus or one verse that hits...now there are types of songs out there that depress a situation more, ones that ignore the situation, and ones that tell you what to do about it...these same type of people exist too and this is really where im going...
when people are down and out i think its customary to appologize, say im sorry and then drop the biggest line of bullshit ever, "things will get better"...i think at some level i agree and i know ive said these words before but sad world we live in says opposite or temporary...this is like the song that tells you nothing, helps you nothing, does for you nothing nor hurts, usually...then u have the people that don't make the problem any better and tell you a story about themselves in the situation and how hard it was and how it sucked so much and how their life was miserable...guess what, thanks, that person is now going to feel soo much better...if better is a sack of shit once it sinks to the bottom of the ocean...and then there is the song, that lyric, or that person or people is usually better...that explains in short (not detail) what to do, like an order, a do this and it will get better...the advice that isnt mean or insulting or congratulating or complimenting but honest, sincere, and most importantly rational...these lyrical gods of music are true advice...the rest, is just bad.
when people are down and out i think its customary to appologize, say im sorry and then drop the biggest line of bullshit ever, "things will get better"...i think at some level i agree and i know ive said these words before but sad world we live in says opposite or temporary...this is like the song that tells you nothing, helps you nothing, does for you nothing nor hurts, usually...then u have the people that don't make the problem any better and tell you a story about themselves in the situation and how hard it was and how it sucked so much and how their life was miserable...guess what, thanks, that person is now going to feel soo much better...if better is a sack of shit once it sinks to the bottom of the ocean...and then there is the song, that lyric, or that person or people is usually better...that explains in short (not detail) what to do, like an order, a do this and it will get better...the advice that isnt mean or insulting or congratulating or complimenting but honest, sincere, and most importantly rational...these lyrical gods of music are true advice...the rest, is just bad.
Friday, September 08, 2006
my bad...
i dont do this often...write blogs while not so sober...but there is something that has been bugging me and i nearly got off my chest with a friend last weekend in this same state of mind...sometimes it does take a little booze to make u pull back the curtain and reveal the wizard behind...
backround shall we...a friend of my, lets say a best friend of mine, was recently in a so called relationship, we know the kind, finally admitted the boyfriend/girlfriend thing...in the start and in the finish i will admit i wasnt the biggest fan, probably the worst fan in all reality...who doesnt often feel this way when a best friend decides this is an important relationship all past and future reasons aside...
the point of this isnt to give supportive reasons for or against my buddy's relationship with a girl he found to be intriguing, unique, fun, entertaining, exciting, different, etc...keep it going, im also not building egos here...my desire to write this blog comes from my desire to share a few little words u rarely here from me..."im sorry"...
but why, why am i applogizing...well it wasnt until the other night that i think i realized this...sure it was only a few days after it was agreed between the both of them to end it...and i think thats probably and sadly the way these things often work...in the end this beyond all the bullshit i said, did, pretended, and more...this is what i did and didnt think...
i didnt give much of a chance for her to prove to me (not that it mattered) she was more than id known her to be...i wasnt fair in my treatment of her...i belittled her, i talked shit about her, i disrespected her, i was uncorgial to her, i told old and forgotten stories about her, i didnt care for her, i was mean to her, i wasnt nice to her...sure i had my moments of grace but i dont think it was on her behalf, it was out of my loving respect for my friend...but thats not enough...
ive realized lately...and i could go into much further, deeper explaination of this that i really can be a big ass asshole if i want to be...and sometimes this bothers me and other times it doesnt...but this time it hit me and this time i realized this isnt just about fun and games, this is more real should i say, this isnt right, this isnt really me is it?
so with all the bullshit and what i wrote above aside, im sorry, i appoligize, i wasnt the best friend to my best friend and in other words i wasnt the best friend i ought to have been to her...and for this, for this i, im asking for forgiveness...and this, this is a big thing for me and God above knows i dont do this alot...
in amazement she ended up being more "real" than i gave credit for, more caring than i wanted to believe, more loving than i realized, more genuine than i cared to admit, more of a person than i knew...and the list im sure might go on...
i hope yet i know that being able to write this letter of reconciliation for all the world to see ill learn from my mistake, and the next time around ill play this "game" different...
in retrospect my gut tells me the whole thing wasnt "meant to be" but that doesnt excuse my actions...i am not cupid or would i ever want to be...what a stressful job he must have...but i do believe my attitude was wrong and these are my final words without going and being more confusing...my bad.
backround shall we...a friend of my, lets say a best friend of mine, was recently in a so called relationship, we know the kind, finally admitted the boyfriend/girlfriend thing...in the start and in the finish i will admit i wasnt the biggest fan, probably the worst fan in all reality...who doesnt often feel this way when a best friend decides this is an important relationship all past and future reasons aside...
the point of this isnt to give supportive reasons for or against my buddy's relationship with a girl he found to be intriguing, unique, fun, entertaining, exciting, different, etc...keep it going, im also not building egos here...my desire to write this blog comes from my desire to share a few little words u rarely here from me..."im sorry"...
but why, why am i applogizing...well it wasnt until the other night that i think i realized this...sure it was only a few days after it was agreed between the both of them to end it...and i think thats probably and sadly the way these things often work...in the end this beyond all the bullshit i said, did, pretended, and more...this is what i did and didnt think...
i didnt give much of a chance for her to prove to me (not that it mattered) she was more than id known her to be...i wasnt fair in my treatment of her...i belittled her, i talked shit about her, i disrespected her, i was uncorgial to her, i told old and forgotten stories about her, i didnt care for her, i was mean to her, i wasnt nice to her...sure i had my moments of grace but i dont think it was on her behalf, it was out of my loving respect for my friend...but thats not enough...
ive realized lately...and i could go into much further, deeper explaination of this that i really can be a big ass asshole if i want to be...and sometimes this bothers me and other times it doesnt...but this time it hit me and this time i realized this isnt just about fun and games, this is more real should i say, this isnt right, this isnt really me is it?
so with all the bullshit and what i wrote above aside, im sorry, i appoligize, i wasnt the best friend to my best friend and in other words i wasnt the best friend i ought to have been to her...and for this, for this i, im asking for forgiveness...and this, this is a big thing for me and God above knows i dont do this alot...
in amazement she ended up being more "real" than i gave credit for, more caring than i wanted to believe, more loving than i realized, more genuine than i cared to admit, more of a person than i knew...and the list im sure might go on...
i hope yet i know that being able to write this letter of reconciliation for all the world to see ill learn from my mistake, and the next time around ill play this "game" different...
in retrospect my gut tells me the whole thing wasnt "meant to be" but that doesnt excuse my actions...i am not cupid or would i ever want to be...what a stressful job he must have...but i do believe my attitude was wrong and these are my final words without going and being more confusing...my bad.
Monday, September 04, 2006
cabs
after three weeks of throwing your shit paper in the trash can, taking cold showers, and sleeping on cots and wooden beds with 50 year old matreeses anybody might be ready to go home...a successful trip we had and had there been that really good excuse to stay i think i would have but i didnt find it this time...so after 3 weeks no one wants anything more than to catch a cab to the airport, jump on a plane, sleep nearly the whole time, barely make a connecting flight and arrive home in colorado with all the baggage and a nice tan...all the above succeeded except the first...cab ride.
id been bothered coming in and out of the hostel all day by the cabbie out front...so when it was time to go he was still there and wanted $12 to the airport...not wanting to walk 3 blocks to the park where all the cabs where at to barter with, jason executively decided to jump in, bags in back, lets go...less than a few minutes later i got the idea this wasnt going to happen nicely when the driver informed us in spanish there were "protests" going on the main road to the airport and he'd have to drive around, i.e. double the fare...we honestly didnt have any money left and refused so after a number of exchanges in spanish we ended up at the bus stop...he wanted $10...wtf, i offered 3 then 5 and he offered the police station, i agreed...at first so we started driving again at which point jason and i decided we had a plane to catch in less than 2 hours...fuck it, here you go asshole, $10...and i didnt even get halfway to the airport.
we walked back towards the bus station to spend our last few pennies on tickets when another cab drove by and offered a ride...hesitant at first i explained the situation with the 1st cab dude, err jackass...and he said no problems, no protests, $14...he seemed nice and unlike the other guy i didnt feel sketchy so we agreed but this time kepts our bags in the laps ready to jump out at anytime...this was the coolest cab driver we met in 3 weeks...we talked about our families, where we are from, hot tica girls, the weather, anything i could speak in spanish which after 3 weeks wasnt horrible but still not alot...in the end we made it, to the airport, to miami, barely onto our flight to denver, and home to colorado...killer trip, literally and figuratively.
id been bothered coming in and out of the hostel all day by the cabbie out front...so when it was time to go he was still there and wanted $12 to the airport...not wanting to walk 3 blocks to the park where all the cabs where at to barter with, jason executively decided to jump in, bags in back, lets go...less than a few minutes later i got the idea this wasnt going to happen nicely when the driver informed us in spanish there were "protests" going on the main road to the airport and he'd have to drive around, i.e. double the fare...we honestly didnt have any money left and refused so after a number of exchanges in spanish we ended up at the bus stop...he wanted $10...wtf, i offered 3 then 5 and he offered the police station, i agreed...at first so we started driving again at which point jason and i decided we had a plane to catch in less than 2 hours...fuck it, here you go asshole, $10...and i didnt even get halfway to the airport.
we walked back towards the bus station to spend our last few pennies on tickets when another cab drove by and offered a ride...hesitant at first i explained the situation with the 1st cab dude, err jackass...and he said no problems, no protests, $14...he seemed nice and unlike the other guy i didnt feel sketchy so we agreed but this time kepts our bags in the laps ready to jump out at anytime...this was the coolest cab driver we met in 3 weeks...we talked about our families, where we are from, hot tica girls, the weather, anything i could speak in spanish which after 3 weeks wasnt horrible but still not alot...in the end we made it, to the airport, to miami, barely onto our flight to denver, and home to colorado...killer trip, literally and figuratively.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
the teacher and the hooker
i could never do it...teach severely disabled kids...like all the acronyms, MS, ADD, ADHD, TB, WRXYZ...you get the point...well the teacher we met the second night at a hotel bar down the street from our hostel did...being a sorta kinda teacher myself we hit it off on random conversations about crazy kids, her's literally...it became a topic of conversation what people do to take long ass vacations...the teacher one makes sense...hell it was on of the reasons i decided to get my teaching license...summer vacations all over again...its still up there in my mind and perhaps one day ill teach, but for now its not the right time...i had a gin and 7 after a few beers, which was very ginny...actually tasted like i was eating ginger plants and after a number of drinks and conversation we decided to head...
after a few walks around a few blocks we ended up at yet another hotel bar...this one run by an american, some dude from massachusetts, apparently he is a real dick but we never talked to him...who we did awakened me to something id never heard of and the phrase was told to me a few days later...sex tourist...men who travel for the sole purpose of hiring prostitutes for everything from sex to use your imagination...these two were from florida, ages 50-60 years old and had a cute little tica with them...she was nearly drunk when we got there and by the time we left...well, she kept up with us...this was the first time we'd taken shots since arriving and our new i wouldnt call them friends bought us a number, say like 4, round of what we thought (or they thought) was tequilla...well its not but that wouldnt be discovered until later...its called guaro and u can have training wheels (read: lime and salt)...smooth, very smooth it was but its the first time i can remember actually feeling the affects within a short period of time...usually it takes getting up and walking around to feel the booze pouring into blood, head, etc...not this stuff, without even moving its effect was felt...im gonna have to get me some of this stuff...in between round we talk about traveling, being young, paying for sex, hunting in africa, paying for sex, being young, traveling, paying for sex...did i mention hookers, whores, prostitutes...apparently there is a bar in san jose, well a hotel/casino, called the blue lagoon and should u ever want to see the finest the city has to offer thats the place...if you go later or earlier, u can even get a two for one special...its legal here, which is why many come...but jason nor i in any state of mind could force ourselves to even find the place, ive just never believed in paying for something you can get for free...but around here thats how it works im told, there are no free tickets to the peep show.
after a few walks around a few blocks we ended up at yet another hotel bar...this one run by an american, some dude from massachusetts, apparently he is a real dick but we never talked to him...who we did awakened me to something id never heard of and the phrase was told to me a few days later...sex tourist...men who travel for the sole purpose of hiring prostitutes for everything from sex to use your imagination...these two were from florida, ages 50-60 years old and had a cute little tica with them...she was nearly drunk when we got there and by the time we left...well, she kept up with us...this was the first time we'd taken shots since arriving and our new i wouldnt call them friends bought us a number, say like 4, round of what we thought (or they thought) was tequilla...well its not but that wouldnt be discovered until later...its called guaro and u can have training wheels (read: lime and salt)...smooth, very smooth it was but its the first time i can remember actually feeling the affects within a short period of time...usually it takes getting up and walking around to feel the booze pouring into blood, head, etc...not this stuff, without even moving its effect was felt...im gonna have to get me some of this stuff...in between round we talk about traveling, being young, paying for sex, hunting in africa, paying for sex, being young, traveling, paying for sex...did i mention hookers, whores, prostitutes...apparently there is a bar in san jose, well a hotel/casino, called the blue lagoon and should u ever want to see the finest the city has to offer thats the place...if you go later or earlier, u can even get a two for one special...its legal here, which is why many come...but jason nor i in any state of mind could force ourselves to even find the place, ive just never believed in paying for something you can get for free...but around here thats how it works im told, there are no free tickets to the peep show.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
the brit
after a few days in granada we're in san juan del sur and picked up another traveler to join jason, portland and myself...this one is british, from oxford england...the blok and us head up to bahia mahanguel (spell check)...our days consist of laying on the beach, reading books, beating up waves, and philosphical conversations...so long it now has been i cannot remember all but to say the british dude is a philosophy major combined with jasons more liberal than i views, portlands well, portlandish views, and my middle of the road business minded yet socially aware ideaologies...it made great conversation for many nights on end...lets see what i can remember...
the importance or not of marriage...this one went on forever...jason put it best when he told portland she was the first girl he'd ever met who didn't believe humans were designed for monogomous relationships...no shit, id never heard any girls talk about anything but getting married if not already someday...personally i believe in marriage...i believe in it because of my faith and the readings of the New Testament...however i also believe marriage is an institution of the church and therefore should be unaffiliated or unrecognized by the government, the US government specifically...if we are going to play the seperation between (not from) church and state game...unions, civil or whatever u want to call them, court documents granting two individuals partnership rights (taxes, healthcare, children, etc.) should be the only legally binding law.
the likelyhood of mass transportation throughout the united states...sorry, when the interstate network was born we ditched mass transit, i.e. trains...planes we're the new fad too and well, there are major distances to cross, its not like going from germany to italy or france or belgium...now i support mass transit, i love it...i loved the trains and lightrails and subways in germany, they work in britian too so our englishman reminded us...but portland was convinced "if we build it, they will ride it"...business brendon explains the economics of such and why it doesnt work currently and why it would take years, 50 at least, before we saw anything similar to europe in america...the coasts work, that point was given to portland but nothing internal...i think we ended up disagreeing to disagree.
we also touched on topics of virginity, i.e. sex again and many more im sure, religion, all the big ones i swore id never talk about after a few beers but it happens...in the end i was glad to be leaving soon, i wanted to find more people, portland was entertaining most of the time but it was time to move on, the brit was fun and itd only been a few days so a few more would of been interesting...as we headed back to costa rica they headed up to guatemala and im sure one day we'll meet again.
the importance or not of marriage...this one went on forever...jason put it best when he told portland she was the first girl he'd ever met who didn't believe humans were designed for monogomous relationships...no shit, id never heard any girls talk about anything but getting married if not already someday...personally i believe in marriage...i believe in it because of my faith and the readings of the New Testament...however i also believe marriage is an institution of the church and therefore should be unaffiliated or unrecognized by the government, the US government specifically...if we are going to play the seperation between (not from) church and state game...unions, civil or whatever u want to call them, court documents granting two individuals partnership rights (taxes, healthcare, children, etc.) should be the only legally binding law.
the likelyhood of mass transportation throughout the united states...sorry, when the interstate network was born we ditched mass transit, i.e. trains...planes we're the new fad too and well, there are major distances to cross, its not like going from germany to italy or france or belgium...now i support mass transit, i love it...i loved the trains and lightrails and subways in germany, they work in britian too so our englishman reminded us...but portland was convinced "if we build it, they will ride it"...business brendon explains the economics of such and why it doesnt work currently and why it would take years, 50 at least, before we saw anything similar to europe in america...the coasts work, that point was given to portland but nothing internal...i think we ended up disagreeing to disagree.
we also touched on topics of virginity, i.e. sex again and many more im sure, religion, all the big ones i swore id never talk about after a few beers but it happens...in the end i was glad to be leaving soon, i wanted to find more people, portland was entertaining most of the time but it was time to move on, the brit was fun and itd only been a few days so a few more would of been interesting...as we headed back to costa rica they headed up to guatemala and im sure one day we'll meet again.
Friday, September 01, 2006
portland
for all real purposes i suck at remembering names so its only irony that ive already forgotten portland girl who we spent nearly a week with already...go figure...portland girl you might have guessed it from...and might just be the ipitamy of what i know about the city...
so we've barely arrived in monte verde after making our way from la fortuna and volcan arenal...finding the recommended hostel we settle into our room which has a large closet door to slide open to enter, locking with a padlock on the outside only...sweet, this is the dumpiest place ive stayed to date in my life and i know its not going to get any better...soon enough we meet the wonderful staff here at la pension santa elena and talk about our desire to head up to nicaragua...in the next room portland overhears us and after all is said and done we're headed in the same direction...the bus leaves in 2 days, we're on it...
conversations ran amuck during our time with portland...our first night in granada we talked about jason and his girlfriend problems of which her advise was to dump sooner than later...of course this moved into sex to include discussions of foreplay or as i called it running the bases...at some point portland looks around nearly sloshed herself to realize everyone in the bar/restaurant has moved on or away from us...apparently we're loud, who knew...and the subject matter isnt quite PG...this isnt the first nor im sure it wont be the last, if u've ever had one of these conversations with jason or i, its well, amazing...fuck it i say and keep it going when random guy number 1 sits down and start trying to talk to us in spanish...how sad this is because i speak the most out of the group which isnt alot...in fact everytime i tell people i speak "poco espanol" they respond with "poquito" (translate: very little)...after we figure out he wants a beer i buy him one, not the big one he wants but a regular bottle, im not rich bitch...hilarity insues as im pretty good myself at this point and he keeps asking for a bigger one...we find out about his family, his job, his wages...$100/month as a professor (read: school gym teacher)
...eventually we ditch him as the bar is closing and no tag-a-long is needed...on the way to a salsa bar portland asks: "why do you travel?"
people. like that guy back there.
so we've barely arrived in monte verde after making our way from la fortuna and volcan arenal...finding the recommended hostel we settle into our room which has a large closet door to slide open to enter, locking with a padlock on the outside only...sweet, this is the dumpiest place ive stayed to date in my life and i know its not going to get any better...soon enough we meet the wonderful staff here at la pension santa elena and talk about our desire to head up to nicaragua...in the next room portland overhears us and after all is said and done we're headed in the same direction...the bus leaves in 2 days, we're on it...
conversations ran amuck during our time with portland...our first night in granada we talked about jason and his girlfriend problems of which her advise was to dump sooner than later...of course this moved into sex to include discussions of foreplay or as i called it running the bases...at some point portland looks around nearly sloshed herself to realize everyone in the bar/restaurant has moved on or away from us...apparently we're loud, who knew...and the subject matter isnt quite PG...this isnt the first nor im sure it wont be the last, if u've ever had one of these conversations with jason or i, its well, amazing...fuck it i say and keep it going when random guy number 1 sits down and start trying to talk to us in spanish...how sad this is because i speak the most out of the group which isnt alot...in fact everytime i tell people i speak "poco espanol" they respond with "poquito" (translate: very little)...after we figure out he wants a beer i buy him one, not the big one he wants but a regular bottle, im not rich bitch...hilarity insues as im pretty good myself at this point and he keeps asking for a bigger one...we find out about his family, his job, his wages...$100/month as a professor (read: school gym teacher)
...eventually we ditch him as the bar is closing and no tag-a-long is needed...on the way to a salsa bar portland asks: "why do you travel?"
people. like that guy back there.
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